Cat Scratch Fever

Several days ago I was given a mission by Rubber Ducky. "Mr TomKat if you accept this mission any knowledge of your actions will not be reported to PETA for covert actions. Your mission is to catch two kitties, one red and one white, which the mother cat had just released from the nursery. They are to be used in a covert socialization experiment by Rubber Ducky and friends (caution Tweety Bird is near)". That sounded like a pretty easy assignment so I accepted the mission.

I knew the redhead would be a fairly easy catch but the blond could be a different story. I assembled a crack team of me for this assignment (how hard could catching cute little kittens be).

Arriving in the field I spied the mother cat with her three kittens near. The redhead was in a perfect position for capture since he was pinned against a wall. Stealthily I moved within range but suddenly I was spotted. The mother just looked on while the two blond kitties ran under the porch steps successfully evading capture, however, the redhead did just what I predicted and ran along the wall for an easy capture.

As the redhead protested the capture the mother cat just looked on disinterested so I whisked it away to the holding pen (bathtub). One down and one to go. Boy this assignment is easy.

I reposition myself and survey the targets. This time the white kitties make a tactical error. They are playing under the overturned wheelbarrow. Swiftly I move in to pet the mother cat as her kitties hide under the wheelbarrow. With cat like reflexes I lift up the wheelbarrow and grab a white kittie by the shoulders.

The fight was on. This kittie was skilled in hand to kittie combat. Instantly he contorted his head to get a death bite on my thumb and fore finger. In a matter of seconds he had inflicted numerous bites to these extremities. As I tried to reposition this kitten it claws were ripping at my other hand. Finally I managed to restrain the kittie in a position so that it could not bite me anymore.

Just when I thought I was in control of this expert warrior the mother cat mobilized into attack mode. She jumped on my leg with all claws and started climbing me like a tree. Being barely smart and very resourceful I knew when I was licked. I dropped the kittie and the mother jumped off to its aide. Better retreat than loose an eye. I retreated to the house and dressed my numerous wounds for the kittie was a valiant warrior.

I informed Rubber Ducky that the mission was a partial success. One kittie instead of two. Hindsight being twenty twenty it is obvious that the white kittie was already battle trained and too wild to submit to the socialization program as intended. He will serve best catching rats and snakes for a profession.