COMMENT CORNER (SOCIALIZATION)

M. Jones I love your questions and comments. Most of them you answered yourself. You can't really know a person in a one time meeting. You can form a first impression either through instinct (attraction or warning) or a response to their looks, body language, etc. Knowing a person takes time being with them and somehow getting them to stop their social act as you call it. Basically we all have some level of the fear of rejection. In business you are confident to talk to people because they can't reject you but only whatever your business represents. In a social environment you are putting yourself on the line for rejection. We (you and I) tend to talk to people that we think will not reject us. Sometimes we pick the right person to talk to and sometimes we pick the wrong. In a social environment I like you tend to stay quiet and listen until I feel comfortable sharing my ideas or opinions. There again sometimes I am accepted into the group conversation and other times I am ignored and remain on the outside of the group. Those are the risk we must take in a social environment. Minimizing my fear of rejection and maximizing my risk factor is my goal for socializing.

When I was married my wife and I slowly became an island unto ourselves. In 20 years of marriage I developed no real friends but many acquaintances. During the divorce process I realized that all my friends were from before my marriage and several of those were driven away and have never returned. Now I must learn how to develop new friends all over again and it is a tough process but I have a plan.

The first step is DON'T CARE if people like you are not. Be yourself all the time. Shed the act if you can. High risk I admit.

If people get a bad first impression of you (very high probability for me for some unknown reason) try and give them the opportunity to get a second or third impression (some people will not give you any chance after the first - write them off and go on). ALL my new friends had a bad first impression of me but I gave them an opportunity for a second impression which they accepted and it payed off for both of us.

DO NOT let the fear of rejection scare you from approaching other people (this is the hardest for me I have to admit - work in progress).

Find a true (fearless) people person and hang with them. They will attract people like a magnet and give you a chance to meet new people. I have a good friend like this that I hang with. She can talk to a bowling ball in a pool parlor and talk them into playing checkers.

And always BE YOURSELF. No acting allowed.

Expect others around you to be acting but give them a chance if you can to let down their guard.

That is my plan. There are probably better ones but this is the one I developed. Now to see if I can do it so it can work its magic.

Now for the final question: Yes!! God put a lady in my life just after the divorce who has become my best friend. She is the people person referenced above. We do many crazy (most would say) things together and have had many adventures. We help each other as true friends. Like JOB in the bible she has had more medical trials than anyone I have ever known. I have been there for her when she couldn't function and she gave me a reason for going on through the heartache of divorce. I needed to be needed and she needed me for her survival. She kept my feet on the ground like no one else could. Now that she is better I am teaching her to grow up ( 15 in a 50+ body) and take care of herself since I helped bury the last family member she could rely on to protect her from her nieve self. She was never allowed to mature properly so that she could be manipulated by her family. In three years she has grown to an adult in most respects and I am proud of her. Others helped during the year long divorce but she helped after the divorce.